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00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:07,883
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
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Charlene, look
at all this.
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There's enough
saccharine in here to kill a rat patrol.
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I know.
I can't decide
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whether I'd rather
be fat or sterile.
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Julia, you're going
to a lot of trouble
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just 'cause Payne's
bringing a girl home from college.
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Well, I'm the one who
insisted that he bring her,
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so I want to have
everything perfect.
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What I want to know is
how come you're so interested in meeting this girl?
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Payne's had
girlfriends before.
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Right. You're acting awful
tight-lipped about this.
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What's going on,
somebody pregnant?
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You know, Suzanne, sometimes
you can be so crass.
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There is nothing going on.
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I just think Payne's
a little more serious this time.
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I mean, they're together
day and night.
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Well, maybe not night.
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Right. If I were you, Julia,
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I'd just be glad
he's interested in women at all.
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And just what is
that supposed to mean?
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Well, you know how
overbearing you can be.
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I was always worried,
him being an only child
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and you being his mother.
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He could quite easily
have grown up to be a homosexual.
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Suzanne, why don't you go
in the storeroom
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and see if you can't
find something sharp
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to impale
yourself on.
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I was just making
an observation.
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Also, it doesn't help
that "Payne" is a homosexual name.
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Payne happens
to be the name
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of our maternal
great-grandfather.
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Suzanne, where do you
get this stuff?
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There's no such thing
as a homosexual name.
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How can you guys be
in the decorating business
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and not notice
these things?
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Payne is most certainly
a homosexual name.
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So are Darryl, Wade,
Tommy, Peter, and Dennis.
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Oh.
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What are the
heterosexual names?
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Chester and Ralph.
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I can't stand it,
I can't stand it, I can't stand it.
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Julia, you don't
actually mind Payne having a girlfriend, do you?
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I mean, after all,
he's in college.
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Of course I don't mind.
I just want to have a look at her.
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I know he's 19 years old,
but as far as I'm concerned,
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he's still a baby.
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No, he's not.
Not what?
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A baby. Look at
Jerry Lee Lewis.
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He married
his cousin at 13.
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You're right, Charlene.
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I don't know why
before taking a major life step,
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I sometimes forget
to stop and ask myself,
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"Julia, wait a minute."
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"Is this something
Jerry Lee Lewis would do?"
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Oh, come on.
You know what I mean.
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Norville and Dot Frazier
got married at 17 and 15.
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Who are Norville
and Dot Frazier?
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My parents.
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Well, no wonder.
That's a whole different thing.
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Your people are like
in Coal Miner's Daughter.
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I mean, everybody
gets married
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right out of junior high.
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How do you know what
my people are like?
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Come on,
I saw Deliverance.
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Anyway, look
at their names.
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Norville and Dot?
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You saying my parents
are homosexuals, too?
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Not homosexuals, silly.
Hicks.
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I can't stand it.
I can't stand it. I can't stand it.
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You don't have to blame me
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just because you're afraid
of having your baby stolen
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by another female.
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00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,244
Well, I know how she feels.
They grow up so fast.
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Quint's only five,
but he's getting the facts of life in kindergarten.
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He came home the other day
with this story some little girl told him
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about how if one person
sees another person naked,
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then that person
has to marry them.
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Well, it's always
been my policy.
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And I know the day will come
when he's gonna want some other woman
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to lay out
his clothes for him,
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fill up his little
wading pool,
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put the Froot Loops
into his cereal bowl,
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and it's just going
to kill me.
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Sometimes I lie awake
at night
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just thinking about
all the women out there
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waiting to
get their hands on our sons.
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This is incredible. I can't
believe I'm listening to the two big feminists
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who are always
tearing down double standards.
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"Women can have sex
and play around,"
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"do anything
men can do." That's right.
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They don't want one of
these liberated females
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getting a hold
of their sons. Right ladies?
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Right.
Right.
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And someday when
y'all have a son, you'll understand.
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00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,095
I mean, look,
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I absolutely
adore our sex,
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but let's face it.
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Some of us are scum.
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Julia, we're
getting ready to go.
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Is there anything else
we can do to help?
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No, thanks,
I think everything is under control.
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I changed the bed
in the guest room. Put a ham in the oven.
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What time they
supposed to be here?
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Just any second now.
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You know, I was
thinking upstairs,
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I'm actually looking
forward to this.
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I mean, what if
Payne is serious about this girl?
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He's a mature kid,
and I'm sure he would choose somebody...
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...wonderful.
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Yeah. I'll bet
she has long blonde hair
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pulled back in those barrettes,
a sweater with a Ralph Lauren lace collar,
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a plaid pleated skirt,
maybe knee socks with a pattern up the side
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and an A D Phi sorority pin,
and maybe saddle shoes...
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JULIA:
All right, Charlene!
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We get the picture.
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Anybody home?
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Get in here.
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I was starting
to get worried about you.
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You should
know better than to do that.
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Mary Jo,
how you doing?
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Great. And don't you
look handsome!
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Charlene,
how are you?
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Oh, doesn't he, though?
Look at this.
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His hair's getting so long.
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I like the way
you got it cut. You like that, Julia?
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Come on, girls, he's my
nephew, get your hands off.
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I want my hug.
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Hello.
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I'm Primrose Horton.
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You must be
Payne's mother.
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Hello. You must be Payne's
girlfriend's mother.
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No. I'm Payne's
girlfriend.
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I don't have
any children.
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I see. So...
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...you decided to
steal mine.
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Mother...
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Payne told me
you have a wonderful sense of humor.
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Yes, and I'm afraid
he's testing it.
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Okay, I give up.
What's the joke?
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There is no joke,
Mother.
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Primmie is...
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...my girl.
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I see.
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Well, well, what do you
know about that!
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Here, let me
take your coat.
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I want you
to be comfortable in here,
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and to remember
my house is your house.
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Thank you.
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Payne, darling,
take the bags up to our room.
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Over my dead body.
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Okay, Mother.
Why don't we get straight to the point?
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You don't like her,
do you?
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What makes you
say that?
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Oh, I don't know,
maybe because every time
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she tried talking to you
during dinner,
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you fell to your
hands and knees and started coughing.
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And by the way,
you don't look attractive smoking Dad's pipe.
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Well, it's just something
I've been wanting to try.
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Anyway, Payne,
you know, I'm not about to let you sleep with someone
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you're not married to
while you're under my roof.
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Look, that was out of the blue.
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I didn't know
Primmie was going to suggest that.
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She happens
to be very liberated.
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Darling, I'm afraid
you have liberated
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confused with uncouth.
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00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,739
What could you
possibly have against her,
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00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:14,536
is it her age?
Well, she is a little long in the tooth.
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She's 34.
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Maybe in dog years.
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Oh, nice talk.
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I just cannot believe
that you really thought
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I wouldn't mind
your being involved with somebody this old.
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Mother, you seem to forget
that you're not the one
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00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,138
who's having
the relationship here. I am.
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And Primmie's
teaching me a lot.
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About what?
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About...
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Life.
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About everything.
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Is it against some law
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for a professor
to be dating her own student?
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I'm not in Primmie's class.
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00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,195
Anyway, I happen
to know somebody else
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00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,822
who dated
a much older woman.
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Said it put him in good stead
for the rest of his life.
187
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Who?
188
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Dad.
189
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,247
It was long before
he met you.
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00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,791
I don't believe that.
191
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,877
He never told me that.
192
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,628
Well, he didn't tell you
everything.
193
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,005
We had good talks.
194
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,506
Such as?
195
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,468
Such as, he said,
"Son, if you find someone"
196
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:14,012
"who can give you half
the sex life your mother and I have had,"
197
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,056
"then you're in for
one of the finest things in life."
198
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:17,766
Well...
199
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,685
...he shouldn't have
told you that.
200
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,353
Well, he did.
201
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,483
What else did he say?
202
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:30,111
He said, "just don't get
all your ideas"
203
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,654
"about men and women
from your mother,"
204
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,072
"or you'll be
completely fouled up."
205
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,993
Sounds more like him.
206
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,247
[MUSIC PLAYS]
207
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,958
You know, Payne,
sometimes late at night,
208
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:46,753
I put on your daddy's
old tapes.
209
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,674
I miss him.
210
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:55,136
So much, I think
I can't make it through another day.
211
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,471
I know, Mother.
212
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,098
I miss him, too.
213
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,475
I'm so glad
I can see him in your face.
214
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,773
Times like this,
I always wonder
215
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,525
what he'd
want me to do.
216
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,986
I think he'd want you
to lay off.
217
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,573
And then I remember
his dying words.
218
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:20,787
"Don't let Payne
marry an old woman."
219
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,875
I don't think so,
Mother.
220
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,419
Well, it was
worth a try.
221
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,927
Can you believe
that Primrose person?
222
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,930
"Payne, darling, would you
take the bags up to our room?"
223
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:43,017
Boy, I bet some feathers
flew over here last night.
224
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,520
I wish I could've been
a fly on the wall.
225
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:50,733
Suzanne, I'm glad you're getting
such a kick out of this.
226
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:54,737
As Payne's aunt, I would think
you might be a little more concerned.
227
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,365
If I were you, I wouldn't
make a big deal out of this.
228
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,242
Well, you're not me, Suzanne.
229
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,786
And furthermore,
I would not be interested
230
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,413
in advice on raising children
231
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:06,082
from a person who returned
a poodle to a pet store
232
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,668
because it wouldn't do
the cha cha on its hind legs.
233
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,089
SUZANNE:
Where's your houseguest?
234
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:16,843
Upstairs taking
her morning bath.
235
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,261
It's not just a bath.
236
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,638
It's her "morning bath."
237
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,599
She is so dramatic.
238
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,933
You know the type.
239
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,393
Julia.
240
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,605
Oh, hello.
241
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,981
I'm sorry
to disturb you.
242
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,357
I was wondering
if you might have
243
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,526
some lavender
for my bath.
244
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,993
No, but I've got
some 20 mule team Borax.
245
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,206
So you don't have
any lavender.
246
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,500
Gee, I'm so sorry.
I ran out last night.
247
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,543
You know, I was
gonna get out of bed
248
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,295
and run to the 7-11
to get some,
249
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,923
but then I thought,
"Oh, why not just risk it?"
250
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,383
I'll make do.
251
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:03,014
You don't have to be
so openly hostile, Julia.
252
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,599
Well, I can't help it.
253
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,601
She gets
on my nerves,
254
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,770
and she snores.
255
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:12,232
I went into her room
last night to take her a blanket,
256
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,108
and she
was sawing lumber
257
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,693
like you can't believe.
258
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,864
Well, maybe she still
has her adenoids.
259
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,282
No, no.
260
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,993
This was snoring
like old people do.
261
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:28,122
I don't know, it might even
have been a death rattle.
262
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,917
Wishful thinking.
263
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,461
Oh, get serious, Julia.
She's certainly not over 40.
264
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,462
41.
265
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,464
How do you know that?
266
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,383
I looked at her
driver's license.
267
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,468
She told the truth on
her driver's license?
268
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,553
Yes, height,
weight, everything.
269
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,098
She's not only old,
she's stupid.
270
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,476
Well, what's the
matter with that?
271
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,895
I give my correct age and
weight on my driver's license.
272
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,730
It's the law.
273
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:56,276
That's true.
She still has all the little tags on her pillows, too.
274
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:02,615
Anyway, Julia,
maybe this Primmie, whatever her name is,
275
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,617
isn't exactly
what you had in mind,
276
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,120
but maybe you should
give her a chance.
277
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,747
I just don't understand
why all of you
278
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,000
are acting
as if this is nothing.
279
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,586
I mean, Charlene, you have
ranted and raved for weeks
280
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,714
about how they brought
Bobby Ewing back.
281
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:22,510
But let my son
bring home Grandma Moses,
282
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,511
and you could care less!
283
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,683
Now, Julia, you know
that's not true.
284
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:29,934
I'm on your side.
285
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,271
PRIMMIE:
Hello again.
286
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:36,065
I decided to
forego the bath.
287
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,693
It's just not the same.
288
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,112
Hope you don't mind
if I join you.
289
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,906
Payne is still sleeping.
290
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:47,577
I guess those midterm exams
just did him in.
291
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:50,997
Anyway, I can't do my hair
until he gets up.
292
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,458
He loves to
braid it for me.
293
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:56,961
Oh, my. Isn't that
courteous?
294
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:02,633
Tell me, how do you like
our little business here, Prissy?
295
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,429
It's Primmie.
296
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,306
Gosh, I'm sorry.
297
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,308
You know, I keep having
so much trouble with that.
298
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,727
How about
if I just call you "Hey, you?"
299
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:20,276
I guess you don't get
my sense of humor.
300
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,196
On the contrary,
I think I do.
301
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,114
Primmie, could I get you
a cup of coffee?
302
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,325
Oh, that would be
delicious.
303
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:31,037
Maybe with just
a touch of anisette if you have any.
304
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,206
Uh, no.
305
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,917
I got a couple of sticks
of licorice in my purse.
306
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:39,921
Uh, tell me,
I'm just dying to know,
307
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,714
how did you
and Payne meet?
308
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,884
Well, actually,
it's an incredible story.
309
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,305
I happen to be
a huge fan of Lord Byron.
310
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,682
Even if I'm teaching
the Elizabethan period
311
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:54,227
and it has absolutely
no relevance,
312
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,521
I will just
force him in there.
313
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,606
Well, that is
an incredible story.
314
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,399
Now we should
all get to work.
315
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,859
I wasn't finished.
316
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,153
Oh, I'm sorry.
Forgive me. Do go on.
317
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,530
Where was I?
318
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,448
Forcing Lord Byron.
319
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,827
Oh, yes.
Anyway...
320
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,204
I'm walking across
campus one day
321
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:15,206
With a close,
personal friend,
322
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,499
and suddenly,
323
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:21,045
I see this beautiful
young man coming toward us,
324
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:25,049
the sun illuminating
his hair like golden fleece,
325
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,677
and just as I catch
a fleeting glimpse
326
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,638
of his Romanesque profile,
327
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,974
it hits me
like a thunderbolt
328
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,393
that this could be
Byron reincarnated.
329
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,979
I introduced myself
330
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,858
only to discover
his name is Payne.
331
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,069
Ooh, what
a magnificent name.
332
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,864
It must've been
in your family for generations.
333
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,949
Actually,
I named him Payne
334
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,035
because I was in labor
for two and a half days.
335
00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,835
To me, Payne
looks like just any other kid in cutoffs and sneakers.
336
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,173
"A knave so gold
in his hyacinth beauty"
337
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:09,177
"lays low
the oxen's burden."
338
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,220
"He stepped
from the tarnished runes"
339
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,638
"of a Grecian urn"
340
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:17,602
"and laid his bounty
upon my grateful breast."
341
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,191
I think that's Payne
to a "T."
342
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,483
What do
you think, Julia?
343
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,449
I think you're
full of crap.
344
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:39,040
Well, you held it in
as long as you could.
345
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,215
Primmie's just
finishing packing.
346
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,467
I thought I'd
say goodbye.
347
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,970
Well, darling...
348
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,098
I suppose I've
loused things up.
349
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:59,477
I just want you to know
I'm really gonna try to do better.
350
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,646
Oh, Mother, don't repress
yourself too much.
351
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,648
I don't want you
to have a stroke or anything.
352
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:11,030
Payne, I'm sorry if you think
I get in your life too much.
353
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,784
It's a sickness I caught
when you were born.
354
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,454
You know,
you're the first thing
355
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,081
that ever intimidated me.
356
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,376
I didn't know
anything about babies.
357
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,294
Certainly not
about boys.
358
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:28,422
And I still remember
everybody watching
359
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,925
through that hospital
nursery window
360
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:34,887
while I stood there
with your little sweater
361
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,640
and booties
in my hands,
362
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,434
praying, "Dear God,"
363
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,312
"please let me get
these shoes on right"
364
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,564
"or they'll never let me
take him home with me."
365
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,112
Now you're grown.
366
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:58,160
And my head never
touches the pillow at night
367
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,245
that I don't say...
368
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,415
"Thank you, God..."
369
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:09,005
"...for giving me
this most wonderful son."
370
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,219
Mother, you're
killing me.
371
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,058
Oh, I'm sorry.
372
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,893
I hope I'm not
interrupting.
373
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,024
Payne, darling, everything
can go down now.
374
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:31,235
Do you mind if I speak
with your mother alone?
375
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,946
Haven't you two
had enough? Payne, please.
376
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,573
All right, all right, all right.
I'll be downstairs.
377
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:43,080
PRIMMIE:
Look, you've made it more than apparent
378
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,290
how you feel about me.
379
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,667
Now, I'd like you to know
how I feel about you.
380
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:47,835
All right.
381
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:52,423
I think you're
pompous, insufferable,
382
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:54,967
narrow-minded,
and overbearing.
383
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,721
You are also the
worst kind of mother...
384
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:02,350
...clinging
and manipulative.
385
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,977
And I'm warning you,
if you push me too hard,
386
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,188
I'll fix it so you
don't see him at all.
387
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:08,648
Are you finished?
388
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,901
No. Not quite.
389
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,570
My age seems to be
of great concern to you.
390
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,448
Frankly, I'm much
more concerned
391
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,992
right now
about a telephone call I made this morning
392
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,745
to a friend of mine
who teaches at the university.
393
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,332
According to her,
you have yourself
394
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,876
one of these
little flings every Fall,
395
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:33,756
and it's always
with somebody about 20 years old.
396
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,509
Maybe you have
a little problem?
397
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:38,177
I don't have a problem.
398
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,887
I'm having
a wonderful time.
399
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,890
Well, I think
he might be taking this a little bit more seriously
400
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,100
than you are,
401
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,060
so you have
another think coming
402
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,271
if you think I'm going
to stand idly by
403
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:53,776
while you use my son
for your temporary enjoyment...
404
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,361
Oh, just exactly what
do you mean?
405
00:19:55,361 --> 00:20:00,199
I mean we're going to
take this to the woodshed,
406
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:03,744
and one of us is not
going to come back alive.
407
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:11,836
It's all right, Mother.
I know all about Primmie's fall flings.
408
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:15,297
You do?
Sure, it's the stuff campus legends are made of.
409
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,758
I wanted to check it out
for myself.
410
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,052
Payne.
411
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:25,141
Payne, are you
denying our feelings for each other?
412
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,893
No, I'm just saying there are
two people in this room
413
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,020
who love me,
and one of them isn't you.
414
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,274
Now, let's give old Payne
credit for knowing that.
415
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,822
Well, I for one,
think you...
416
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,782
Be quiet, mother.
I'm not finished with Primmie.
417
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:43,868
You called my mother
overbearing.
418
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,328
Maybe.
Clinging, no.
419
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,330
She always kicked my butt
to be independent
420
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,082
and to think for myself.
421
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,377
Otherwise,
I wouldn't be going out with a 41-year-old woman.
422
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,629
In fact, you should
thank my mother
423
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,214
for making
all this possible.
424
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:01,760
Just one more thing.
I believe you mentioned to her
425
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,764
that you might arrange it
that she doesn't see me again.
426
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,724
Get this straight.
427
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:09,393
Nobody comes between me
and my family.
428
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,895
Not now, not ever.
429
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:17,234
You seem to be
making a choice here.
430
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,612
Maybe I'll just
catch the bus back.
431
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,238
Well, then you'll be
making that choice.
432
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,573
I'm just telling you
how it is.
433
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,243
Oh.
434
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:29,246
Well...
435
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,250
...since you
put it that way.
436
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,794
Then I'll wait
for you in the car.
437
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:37,463
Why don't you do that?
438
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,677
Don't be too long.
439
00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:50,100
You know something?
440
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:54,063
I'm awfully
proud of you.
441
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,487
I love you, Mother.
442
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:02,738
Better get going.
443
00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:08,619
Shame you can't stay longer.
You all send us a post card.
444
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:10,162
Right. Bye.
445
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,747
Bye.
Bye.
446
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,583
Drop us a line
if you find somebody your own age.
447
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:15,709
Mary Jo!
448
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:22,132
You are so strong,
so in charge.
449
00:22:22,132 --> 00:22:24,969
I love the way
that one little vein
450
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:27,555
pops out on your neck.
That is just like your father.
451
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:29,932
Okay, Mother.
I'll call later in the week.
452
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:31,892
Goodbye.
Bye.
453
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,644
This is like the ending
on The Love Boat.
454
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:35,854
I feel like
Captain Stubing seeing everybody off.
455
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,107
Okay, girls.
Let's hug him to death.
456
00:22:38,107 --> 00:22:39,692
We got to make it last
till next time.
457
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:40,901
Yeah!
458
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:43,904
I can't believe
our baby boy
459
00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:46,198
going back to college.
460
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,784
Goodbye.
Don't you let her work you too hard.
461
00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:50,995
Oh, we won't.
Just a minute, mister.
462
00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:53,455
Before you go,
just tell me one thing.
463
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:54,707
What's that?
464
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:57,001
How'd you find out
she was 41?
465
00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,295
I looked on her
driver's license.
466
00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:02,840
That's my boy.
467
00:23:09,555 --> 00:23:13,350
[THEME SONG PLAYING]